SO last night the shit hit the fan....

You know how I had started a fast? yeah, thanks to my illustrious boyfriend, that fast went bye bye yesterday afternoon at about 3pm. He asked if I had eaten and I told him the truth (big mistake!) so he drove me straight to this Italian resaurant and bought a HUGE meatball sandwich >:/............And to top it all off, he pinned me down after forcing me to eat it (I mean sitting right next to me holding my hands w/ the sandwich in them and physically bringing the sandwich up to my mouth and shoving it in my mouth) now, my first reaction to things is physical, I can't control my face muscles so I smile, but then as he was forcing me I starting tearing up and tears were coming down my face. So as I was sobbing as he was feeding me, the sandwich eaten, then he let go and I saw my chance so I bolted for the door to the bathroom. He grabbed me so fast and then swung me around and pinned me down to the bed to keep me from purging which only made me hysterically angry, and I'm surprised at myself for not really fighting back, just pushing w/ my arms and legs, twisting, etc. I know for a fact I don't have a chance in all hell to get away or even go against him because I'm only 5'2'', 117 lbs and he's 5'11'', 230 lbs. I know he means well and I know that because as he had me pinned down, he broke down and was crying and, amazingly, calmly telling me how he had been pretending to be okay w/ all my issues and how he wants me to stop or he will be doing this everytime I come over to his house, how he loves me, how he wants to have me healthy, etc.

This reaction from him forcing me to eat and then forcing me to stay on his bed and not letting me go to the bathroom to relieve my stomach and mind, I  have to admit that my mind is torn completely in half. My love for my lifestyle is hopping mad that I allowed him to take the liberty of forcing me to do what he wanted and foiling my dreams of getting back to where I once was and how I've fucked up royally and now I'll never be tiny again as long as I'm w/ him, and my common sense is screaming at me saying that my love for him will help me get over this once and for all and that it's obvious that he's not taking it anymore....

My renewed love of "high mind"

You know that feeling where you haven't consumed food and are feeling light and really slim? Yeah, that's how I feel at this point and time during the day <3 The last time I ate was yesterday at about 8 AM and it was a small-ish bowl of Cheerios (generic brand....yeah that's right bitches, I'm poor!) hehe so anyways, yeah. And there's nobody home to notice that I will not consume anything today and that just makes me 10x happier!!!!! Plus- I'm not planning on eating anything until someone forces me to. I know that sounds childish but screw it. This is my guilty pleasure and I know what will happen. Call me nuts, call me batty, call me whatever the minds likes to call me. *whispers* I don't care :)

So I've been logged onto Prettythin for the entire morning, it's 12:01 and the posts have been kinda boring. Last night though there was this hotard calling themselves "zander"........so obnoxious that even I- yes I couldn't refuse to write back to this creature haha got a good laugh out of the stupidity. Some people like to fuck w/ other's minds so they go on forums as a joke and post the most ridiculous stuff just to get a rise out of everyone. To be brutally honest, the "zander" character reminded me of my ex. The sarcasm, the lame attempt to be funny, the brutal stupidity and disregard for someone other than themselves.

So I've got two weeks to lose 7 pounds= POC (piece of cake)
Especially w/ my ongoing fast I should drop it in no time flat. <3 I am just loving life right now! and that's why I call it "high mind"= when you are loving everything except your enemies (which would be weird if you loved your enemies) and everything just seems to be in it's right place and everything's working out. You go through really shitty times and then life pays you back by giving you times like this. I've been SO fortunate these past two months! finally got over my ex, got a fantastic new boytoy who's everything I want (except for his odd comments about his past girls being tiny- eh, he's a boy whatdo I expect?) my weight gettin back down, virtuous family (babies, weddings), etc.

So in a nutshell, yeah, I'm happy at this moment in time. finished watching thinspo- If you seek amy.... awesome and only just renews my disinterest in that energy drink in my room hhaha